Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
