Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
