Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
