It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
