I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
