just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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