I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
