Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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