girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
