Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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