May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
