I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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