The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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