this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
