Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
