Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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