They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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