Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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