Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am spending my child support on dildos
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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