I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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