just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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