You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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