Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
