she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
