i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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