Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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