she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
