someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
