the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
