just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
