sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
