i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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