God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
