Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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