yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
