matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
