I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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