is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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