Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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