you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
