woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
