I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
