Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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