Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
