Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
