The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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