remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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