i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
farters have to be the big spoon...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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