How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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