Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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