Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girls should come with a carfax report
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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