Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
