Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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