i think my mom watched the whole time
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
