yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
