Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
time to smoke my breakfast
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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