i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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