she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
