but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
