my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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