Umm I'm too high to move.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
