And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
