put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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