Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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