My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
