I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
